Wanna Live?

Spring Break in Panama City Beach, FL!


So, do you want to survive Spring Break? Then we suggest you listen to this advice... it's all based on experience.

Crossing Thomas Drive
In the Amazon, when a farmer wants to herd his livestock across a pirhana-infested river, he first leads his sickest animal into the water downstream from the crossing point. The pirhana feed, while the rest of the herd crosses safely... now we're not saying that you should use this method for crossing Thomas Drive, but we do suggest that you find some strategy.

Balcony Diving
Trying to negotiate your way from balcony to balcony on a hotel or condo, and then falling to your death, is known as balcony diving. This horrible outcome is simple to avoid. Don't climb on balconies.

Drug Dealing
What needs to be said? It's illegal, and the cops here are serious about it. So don't do it.

War of Northern Aggression (for Yankees only)
The South lost the Civil War. We know it, but we aren't happy about it. Leave it at that.

Drunk Driving
See: Drug Dealing.

Unwanted Sexual Advances
Groping strangers, no matter how tempting, is wrong. It is especially wrong if that stranger is:
a) drunk
b) passed out
c) screaming for help

Alcohol, in sufficient quantity, has a tendency to let you forget that. Don't.