Although we arrived on Saturday night, we didn't manage to get out-and-about until Tuesday afternoon... and even then, we didn't see or do much of anything. So we're starting this journal on 3/15.

First impression on arrival: "Wow, the strip is pretty dead!" In years past, making our way along Front Beach toward Thomas was a painful, plodding process. This year? We zoomed right along, pulled into Top of the Gulf, and checked in. I was a bit unnerved by this, since I figured it indicated a dead week.

Not so, as it turns out. The beach was packed by Wednesday, to a capacity I hadn't seen in two previous trips. Check out the attached images for evidence.

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Lots of folks post to the Tripsmarter.com forums, asking about kegs on the beach... the whole "how, when and where" thing. Well, I can't answer the questions factually, but I can give you a pictorial hint:

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These are the best shots or moments of the day... at least as far as I'm concerned. If you don't agree, well, screw you guys, I'm goin' home...

You kinda had to be there to see why this is amusing. The chick in question was seriously drunk, and within moments of giving passers-by this shushing sign, she proceeded to scream incoherently.



After the last organized activity of the day, someone broke out a jambox near the water line and started cranking '80s music. The batteries and/or CD appeared to give out in the middle of "Love Shack", but not before I captured these dudes exploring their inner dorks to the tune of "Billie Jean".



That's right, brother! Rock that pit hair with pride!



You make the call... exquisite muscular definition, or a really odd tattoo of an emoticon?



Yes, your dental work is outstanding. But perhaps not the star attraction.



(NOTE: Tripsmarter.com staff, can you tweak those URLs to point to the actual images?)

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It's hard to miss Angelo's Steak Pit, what with the giant bull in the parking lot and the commercials on BeachTV. Nestled next to an assortment of kiddie parks and arcades, it even looks a bit like a roadside attraction of some sort.

It *is* an attraction, actually, if you find yourself unreasonably fond of beef. If you've got enough testosterone to generate stubble, this almost certainly includes you and the women who find your hairy *** appealing.

If you hit the place a bit early in the evening, you won't face a long wait. And why not go early? The necessary intake of nutrition should never conflict with the pursuit of inebriation and random acts of debauchery. So cruise in around 5:00ish, load up on fuel, and give yourself something so delicious that you won't mind tasting it a second time at 2:00am.

And our meal at Angelo's *was* delicious. It's such a gloriously unsubtle experience that calling it "fare" or even "food" would be disrespectful... this stuff is *grub*. Pure, unvarnished, wonderfully prepared grub that pokes at the animalistic recesses of your brain and says, "Hey, this is how eating is supposed to be!"

After making our way to our table (note: you'll need a GPS to find your way out of the mammoth collection of dining rooms), We ordered the breaded crab fingers as an appetizer, a ribeye with baked potato, and a filet mignon with fries... all of which came with the de rigeur soup/salad and house bread. The only disappointment was the salad, which appeared to have been deluged rather than dressed.

Both the steaks were ordered medium-rare, because let's face it, you're some kind of prissy wuss if you eat your beef without a moo echoing in the distance. The rib-eye was flawlessly cooked, and the filet nearly so, with a precise layer of seasoning and internal texture. For my money, the filet was also the finest cut of steak I've ever seen; huge, and yet devoid of even a single string of fat or gristle.

Our server (Mary) was cheerful and attentive, only slowing down when held up by the bartender. Speaking of booze, our drinks were well-mixed and not shy with the happy-making stuff.

If there's a real downside to Angelo's, it's that the place is what it is... a provider of wonderful cuts of beef, with a few fish and chicken dishes thrown in. Great beef doesn't come cheaply, so don't expect to exit the building without leaving at least $20/person in the till. It's worth every penny, of course, but those counting their loose change will want to take advantage of the evening's special when possible.

TIP: The house bread is as great as everything else they serve, so those who live in fear of carbs, consider yourselves warned: that stuff is loaf-shaped crack.

And now I bring you a host of hotties, a pageant of pulchritude, an assemblage of ***... in short, some real purty ladies.

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More of the same, but this time with a little something thrown in for the girls...

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These shots all produced varying levels of thought, and as bloggers are wont to do, I feel the need to share.

One of two crutch-laden ladies I've spotted on the beach so far. If nothing else, that is committment to your Spring Break, ladies and gents.



You can't necessarily tell, since I was so slow with the camera, but these were three Islamic girls wandering the beach during the horniest, most excessive time of the collegiate year. I've gotta tell ya, it gave me a "now that's what America is all about, man" moment.



I've never liked this look on a guy, and I'm *this* close to not liking it on a girl. On the other hand, I've made it this far in life without telling a woman that she needs to pull her pants up, and I'm not about to start now.



I love these two. No, they're not sterotypical Breakers, but who gives a crap? It didn't stop them from getting out on the beach and enjoying themselves together. That makes 'em two of the coolest people out there, as far as I'm concerned.

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I dunno... I just like these photos.

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This was a short day, primarily because my stupid *** doesn't appear to know how to walk. I shot some photos, wandered around a bit, and decided to head over to Spinnaker's Paradise Grill for some lunch... and promptly fell on my face while climbing the steps. Screwed up my ankle, embarrassed the hell out of myself, and generally ruined the day.

So what you're getting here is closer to being "Everything of 3/16" than the "Best of", but what can I say? Graceful, I ain't.

I look at this shot, and I can't decide if he's nursing, necking, or napping.

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142876110

On the one hand, this looks like fun. On the other, I'm not sure that being dragged about astride a giant yellow phallus is a good look for me.

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142876248

Thong sightings are so rare on the beach that I feel I must mention them. Plus, it makes me feel like I'm on the Discovery Channel, stalking a nearly extinct and sexy breed of caribou. Or something. Nevermind.

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142876340

This chick was hi-larious. She made eye-contact as she was walking toward me, so I figured I'd snap a picture of her. Her face lit up in this glowing grin while I pressed the shutter release... and then collapsed into a scowl as she walked away.

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142876521

Contrary to everything we've been led to believe by those sly devils at MTV, L.C. and Kristin are apparently BFFs and hanging out in PCB.

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142876650

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These two were really cute... they were dancing a bit, and when they noticed the camera, started to really get into it. SUcking up to the camera will get you in the blog every time.

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142877059

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142877097

Case in point:

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142877205

ManTaxi: The only way to travel

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142877268

And finally... what would a day's entries be without at least one wholly pointless shot of a girl's butt?

http://tripsmarter.com/travelcommuni...1&d=1142877350

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AND in case no one can notice, all of this guy's pictures come from behind THE SUMMIT, club lavela, and spinnakers. The strip was dead, he's right, but over at these places it was rockin hard. I honestly believe that the SUMMIT was the place to stay this year at PCB.

Actually, some of them were also shot behind the Moondrifter and Top of the Gulf... but yeah, that stretch of beach has been pretty busy.

I put Blogging the Break on hold for a day, just to let my sore ankle heal up... so we had some lunch, checked out the marina, and headed back to the room to crash.

Hook's is a fine little place with a fine little menu, assuming you enjoy an open-air view (and smell) of moored fishing boats. The jerk chicken is pretty damned fantastic, and in an inexplicably delightful surprise, they have some of the best chips-n-salsa I've yet experienced. (And I am an absolute bastard when it comes to salsa.) Given the relatively inexpensive prices and free chips, I'd say it's a near-ideal stop for Breakers looking for something beyond the strip... assuming you can stand the outward facade of the Treasure Ship, which houses Hook's. KiddieLand looks aside, give it a shot.

Attached are some shots of Hook's and the marina itself.

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Every morning, U.S. Smokeless felt compelled to thrill me with that Ode To Tawny Kitaen's Joy, "Here I Go Again". Now, don't get me wrong... I liked my stoopid hair-metal power ballads as much as anyone back in the day. But c'mon. Every day? Multiple times?

In other news, as predicted, "I'm In Love With A Stripper" was everywhere, just as "Hey Mister" and "In Da Club" ruled the musical roost in '03. Sometimes, it almost feels like there's an A&R troll sitting under a bridge somewhere, demanding delivery of a couple tailor-made songs for bikini contests and drunken grinding sessions.

Interestingly, the contest DJs seemed to be easing back on the use of staples like "Scrub Da Ground", and even the normally omnipresent "Shake That ***" seemed to be played less than expected. Considering that past Breaks have left both tunes permanently etched into the surface of my brain, I found myself hovering somewhere between grateful and desolate at this development.

Memo to the dude who kept slammin' into me on Spinnaker's dance floor while I was trying to shoot video of the most impossibly hot girl: dude, I know "Jump Around" is your favorite song, but please... don't take that House of Pain thing so freakin' seriously. Sheesh.

Hip Kitty was featured at Spinnaker throughout my second week in PCB, and I seriously enjoyed them. If nothing else, they know how to keep a frozen and wind-scorched crowd entertained... and whipping out a badass cover of Deep Blue Something's "Breakfast At Tiffany's" will always score bonus points with me. I hope they make it big someday.

On a number of occasions, I went to shoot a Spring Break event and ended up inadvertantly creating one. In this case, it was the folks around me during the U.S. Smokeless bikini contest on Tuesday the 21st.

I think of them collectively (and affectionately) as The Camera ****s. They weren't just ordinary attention hogs, who can be counted upon to jump in front of any non-consumer camcorder they see... they started acting up for a *still camera*. These people were dedicated and horny hams, one and all, and here I present a lo-res video clip of a couple of them in action.

Note the way this intrepid blogger struggled to remain focused on the in-progress contest, only to be constantly drawn back to activity closer to home. And groin.

Hey, I'm a dude... these things happen.

Watch video.

Here's a much shorter clip of the folks on the other side of me, a group primarily composed of male Camera ****s. This particular breed tries to get attention, not by doing anything interesting themselves, but rather by grabbing their girlfriends and trying to coax *them* into photogenic behavior. That, and doing the occasional Roxbury Boys impression.

Watch video.

Attached are a few stills, for those who can't handle 20MB WMV files.

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